I had a minor life freak out last night. It has been coming for awhile but then I went to a family party where it was plainly explained to me that at this ripe old age of mine I have two choices, become a stripper and earn a decent living or get married. I know my family reads this blog so Im sure they can all figure out that who pointed out these facts to me and that I didn't really take them seriously because I take nothing he says seriously. But then that combined with copious hours of Gilmore Girls (its a phase) and pms made for a very interesting night.
As Im freaking out I call Rob to try to explain everything in my head and hear some sane hormone free advice. He really does make me feel better after I talk to him even though I had posted earlier that no one really makes me feel better. He makes me laugh and realize how ridiculous it is that I think I am un datable. I mean have you guys seen me lately? I know the tan is fading but still... Just joking Rob just loves to see evidence of how much I love myself. Anyways so I was freaking out about being old and not having a job and being un datable and to top it off TV gets me really upset. My sister and I are known to change channels during uncomfortable scenes in movies or TV shows. We only watch episodes that have good endings because we really don't see a reason to add more drama or tension to our lives. I only watch certain seasons of shows because I like the main couple to be together and if they aren't it makes me uncomfortable. Moving on, everyone has had to deal with the fact that i get seriously upset over these shows and last night Rob had to deal with the whole set. i give him props for putting up with me talking a mile a minute and groaning for no reason for about 2hours about things that didn't really matter. Today he was bored and he wrote me this lovely poem to remember the night by. I can't censor it otherwise the rhyming would be off so if this is for a class please read first before sharing...
Last Night by Rob
Meg, I was thinking a lot about last night and thought the words i need to say would best be expressed by writing them
A Sunday night, like many other; I was catching up with my parents,sister, and brother
I put the phone down, exhausted from the talks; took a break, took a walk
In my absence, my phone was a humming; little did I know a princess was a calling
One, two, three, FOUR calls missed!; something was wrong, something amiss!
I dialed the phone as fast as lightning; so scared my chest was tightening
"What's the matter", I asked in an anxious tone; "Its PMS" she replied with a groan
Stunned, like a deer in a spotlight; I wanted to run, but it wouldn't have been polite
All I could mutter was a meek "oh my"; then she began a discourse on Luke and Loerlai
Of Gilmore Girls I am not a fan; I needed to stop this, I needed a plan
My mind raced with fury, but to no avail; she was one step ahead, I was doomed to fail
Spared the night before, there was no hope for me; she was set to let her emotions run free
Amped up on God knows what; I sat back as she spilled her guts
What ensued was somewhat of a blur; at one point I mistakenly asked "why does PMS occur?"
The question haunts me to this day; why would I open Pandora's box, what would other men say?
No subject off limits, no stone unturned; I was about to be schooled, I was about to be learned
Trips to the gyno, not often talked over; left my hands clammy, my head sinking lower
Her boobs had been changing, not statically sized; my heart slowed as my right side slowly died
The thong was uncomfortable, riding too high; the previously sexy garment made me want to cry
"Where is my man?" she began to whine; I took out the noose and started to climb
Saved! Her feelings became "opaque" & couldn't be described; I hadn't won the battle, but I had survived
The onslaught was over and we said our goodbyes; I was all too happy to finally close my eyes
But I couldn't sleep, something was awry; isn't there usually something resting on my thigh?
I sat up with a jolt, where is my manhood?, something is wrong; am I too wearing a thong?
I fumbled in my pants and to my dismay; my wiener had turned into a va-jay-jay
Out of the friend zone I was kicked; the princess had effectively made me a chick
Okay I have to give Rob some serious props for his poem! That is FABULOUS!
Also, I know how you feel about TV - I feel the same way about movies. I actually was talking to Sam like a week ago and he was trying to get me to go see Paranormal Activity and I was like "Why would I want to go to a horror movie? My life is scary enough as it is!"
Also you must know about my feelings regarding romantic comedies or chick flicks in general and how I refuse to watch them under any circumstances, and get borderline violent if someone makes me (cut to me screaming in the parking lot after the Sex & the City movie, "WHY DID YOU MAKE ME WATCH THAT?!?!") And I am NEVER placated by "It's just a movie" because we all know that anything we can imagine has happened to someone somewhere and it was probably even WORSE for them! Aaaaanyhooo... I feel ya girl ;)
Posted by: Trap Jack's Mama | October 27, 2009 at 09:19 PM